Nirvana meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people, which sounds lame and cliche. Like somehow they weren't just guys trying to make a buck. But somehow they said all the right things at the right time. I was in 5th grade when Nevermind came out. I hadn't yet figured out how to say it all. They said it for me. They put into words what I hadn't yet figured out I even felt yet. "...I found my friends, they're in my head..." They became my words. My brother and I laid on the floor listening to Bleach and Nevermind everyday until my mom got home. Plucking out the riffs on the guitar. Memorizing the lyrics by writing them on notebook paper and trying to decipher Kurt's codes. We got along in a joint mission, not fighting or arguing. Just being.
We pooled our money to buy a Kurt poster at the drug store on the way home from my grandma's one weekend. It was just after his suicide and was a black and white picture of him playing guitar with handwritten lyrics he was so famous for on the top half. To us he wasn't just another rockstar who died young, he was ours. After record quick negotiations in the aisle, and since we shared the hallway between our bedrooms we agreed to either pin it there or in the bathroom. My mom found out what we bought when we got back in the car, decreed it blatantly evil and threw it out the window of the white Nissan Sentra wagon onto Scottsdale Road. We were pissed, and put up a fight, but ultimately knew it was a losing battle. She didn't understand, and instead offered to reimburse us the $10 for the poster. Not quite the retribution we were looking for. Within a few years Nirvana was such a household name that she had a tape of Smells like teen spirit for the Walkman to run to at the gym - she and everyone else. Not that my mom really knew any better. That was just the time we all lived in. And still do. People make judgements based on what others think all the time and don't take the time out to realize what's even being said. We're all guilty. He was as misunderstood as the rest of us felt. I actually think about that story all the time. It is funny and ironic and tragic all at once. I remember every detail specifically because it's when I realized I didn't agree with what everyone else was saying. I realized I had an opinion. I realized that words meant something. I was 12.